Friday, April 27, 2012
Black Lightning
Sunday, April 22, 2012
New Comment Definition
Mr. Hamadryas:
We have come to the realization that having another form of critique may be appropriate.
A content rating system has, within our circle, been implemented.
Hoochy factor: A high hoochy factor is representative anything that supports the idea that 'sex sells'.
Gore factor: Not necessarily synonymous with violence, a high gore factor would be characterized by blood and guts and these things being flung all over the place.
Violence factor: Fairly self explanatory. A good example of a high violence factor and a low gore factor would be The Darkest Hour. Lots of dying- but people just turned to dust- no giblets.
Cuss factor: Now if I need to explain this to you, your parents missed the boat on acceptable social vocabulary. But to be fair, The Fantastic Mr. Fox does have a low cuss factor- even though he says the word 'cuss' many times.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Speed 2
Who'd Wanna see it?
Mr. Hamadryas: Those who have heard nothing about it.
Luella: Rednecks who appreciate professional wrestling and Monster trucks.
Frank: Birds. They'll watch it, regret watching it, and then due to their short memory span, they'll watch it again. Also leeches, they're into that sort of thing.
Plot:
Mr. Hamadryas: Sandra Bullock and her man have some relationship issues, develop that relationship by going through another wirlwind adventure on a cruise. He is the cool cop who wants to take the situation to the next level and she is, well, super-ditzy.
Luella: Annie (Bullock) and New Man (Patric) set off on the high seas to kindle a romance of seven months. Unfortunately, a disgruntled, leech-lovin', former employee decides to kick things up a "knots." (Ha ha ha)
Frank: I can't really put my finger on it, but I guess there was something about a boat and speed, and a fat lady, other than that... just a bunch of special effects.
Our thoughts:
Mr. Hamadryas: A pet peeve of mine is when these movies try to enrich the excitement by throwing in the occasional fruitbasket who freaks out and causes more problems. Speed 2 takes that to the extreme. 'I have a great idea! lets freak out and see how many people we can get killed because of our loss of sanity in a time of crisis!'. I am not bitter. I may have just wasted 2 bucks, and 2 hours of my life but I am not bitter.
Has there ever been more cheese in a movie? yes. But that show was Stewart Little. Dramatic poses, unrealistic stupidity, bad guy inconsistency- such as he wanted to kill everyone but couldn't kill his annoying hostage.
So they crash the ship into an island - oops spoiler- get over it. And somehow a cruise ship with a 30 foot draft makes it all the way into the town. At 17 knots- roughly 20 mph- the ship gracefully beaches itself with bow into a hotel, passing through an oversized bottle (cristening) and comes to a stop as the tip of the ship rings a maritime bell, signifying that it has docked. As it stops there is a gentleman whose car is underneath the anchor that previously failed to release- one guess is all that is needed for what is next. People, if you are after a terribly predictable action flick, with stunning special effects that get cheapened by pathetic humor and failed characters, and concluding by the most predictable move on the part of the hero, then Speed 2 is the show for you.
Luella: Frank and I had seen Speed 1 a couple weeks back, and I was surprised Mr. Reeves did not return to this new flick. Why did he bow out?
He wanted to save his career, that's why.
After personal reflection and medication--er--meditation, I still do not see why this movie was greenlighted to go. What in the world happened in the planning rooms?
"So, Speed 1, that was pretty good."
"Yeah, there should be a sequel. Or something."
"Huh? Whaddya mean? How do you make a sequel about a bomb on a bus?"
"Easy. Put it on a boat."
"A boat?"
"Yeah, a cruise ship. And the villain can have leeches sucking on him."
"Dan, you're a genius! This is better that our idea for Gremlins 4!"
Thus it was born.
Mr. H. did a good job explaining the absolute nonsense. I totally agree with him here.
Frank: Okay, okay, okay... So, there were a few minor continuity issues happening almost every ten minutes in the show. Shoes or no shoes, dress or no dress: I mean, who cares if you are trying to make a second speed movie just so long as the vehicle is hijacked by some crazed nerd with an axe to grind, and Sandra Bullock makes an appearance. The relationship between this so-called sequal and the first movie is about as close as the Earth is to the Moon. In fact it should be the satire version, you know, like all thos abnoxious, "Scary movie/Date Movie"shows.
The movie reaks of ninties fashion and kickbuttish attitudes. Of course you have the hot shot know-it-all boy friend who knows how to rewire an exploding hijacked boat, and like Mr. H mentions in his reiew, those crazy extras that have to scream at everything and make the situations all intense. Talk about Awkward in the boat! My main beef with the film had to be Sandra Bullocks Detached from reality Character. The whole time she kept nagging the boyfriend about this and that, and man she gets pretty whiny.
Awkward Moment:
Luella: While this ship is crashing into the marina, a couple is holding each other tight. The lady looks up at her big, strong man. You'd think she'd say something like, "Baby, I love you" or "Please, let this be over" or "Honey, are you okay?" or "Sweetheart, I'm scared, hold me." No. She says to him, "Why did this have to happen on our honeymoon?" Yes. She is about to die, but is complaining at the very, very end. I can only imagine her husband's thoughts during this comment.
Frank: Despite the fat lady appearing on screen everytime they needed to add to the rediculous half-hour ship-beaching sequnece, there were only a handful of other awkward moments. There is the time that ten people are trapped in a room that is vented with sulfar smoke, and they all get nekad to cover the vents with their clothes, while Sandra Bullock chainsaws the door with her wanny, picture-taken sidekick's help, (or lack thereof ) And as soon as she gets the door open she just sits there reving the chainsaw just inches from a nekad bald guy's head. This scene lasted disgustingly long.
Mr. Hamadryas butts:
Luella's Butts:
Fank's Butts:
Mr. Hamadryas: Those who have heard nothing about it.
Luella: Rednecks who appreciate professional wrestling and Monster trucks.
Frank: Birds. They'll watch it, regret watching it, and then due to their short memory span, they'll watch it again. Also leeches, they're into that sort of thing.
Plot:
Mr. Hamadryas: Sandra Bullock and her man have some relationship issues, develop that relationship by going through another wirlwind adventure on a cruise. He is the cool cop who wants to take the situation to the next level and she is, well, super-ditzy.
Luella: Annie (Bullock) and New Man (Patric) set off on the high seas to kindle a romance of seven months. Unfortunately, a disgruntled, leech-lovin', former employee decides to kick things up a "knots." (Ha ha ha)
Frank: I can't really put my finger on it, but I guess there was something about a boat and speed, and a fat lady, other than that... just a bunch of special effects.
Our thoughts:
Mr. Hamadryas: A pet peeve of mine is when these movies try to enrich the excitement by throwing in the occasional fruitbasket who freaks out and causes more problems. Speed 2 takes that to the extreme. 'I have a great idea! lets freak out and see how many people we can get killed because of our loss of sanity in a time of crisis!'. I am not bitter. I may have just wasted 2 bucks, and 2 hours of my life but I am not bitter.
Has there ever been more cheese in a movie? yes. But that show was Stewart Little. Dramatic poses, unrealistic stupidity, bad guy inconsistency- such as he wanted to kill everyone but couldn't kill his annoying hostage.
So they crash the ship into an island - oops spoiler- get over it. And somehow a cruise ship with a 30 foot draft makes it all the way into the town. At 17 knots- roughly 20 mph- the ship gracefully beaches itself with bow into a hotel, passing through an oversized bottle (cristening) and comes to a stop as the tip of the ship rings a maritime bell, signifying that it has docked. As it stops there is a gentleman whose car is underneath the anchor that previously failed to release- one guess is all that is needed for what is next. People, if you are after a terribly predictable action flick, with stunning special effects that get cheapened by pathetic humor and failed characters, and concluding by the most predictable move on the part of the hero, then Speed 2 is the show for you.
Luella: Frank and I had seen Speed 1 a couple weeks back, and I was surprised Mr. Reeves did not return to this new flick. Why did he bow out?
He wanted to save his career, that's why.
After personal reflection and medication--er--meditation, I still do not see why this movie was greenlighted to go. What in the world happened in the planning rooms?
"So, Speed 1, that was pretty good."
"Yeah, there should be a sequel. Or something."
"Huh? Whaddya mean? How do you make a sequel about a bomb on a bus?"
"Easy. Put it on a boat."
"A boat?"
"Yeah, a cruise ship. And the villain can have leeches sucking on him."
"Dan, you're a genius! This is better that our idea for Gremlins 4!"
Thus it was born.
Mr. H. did a good job explaining the absolute nonsense. I totally agree with him here.
Frank: Okay, okay, okay... So, there were a few minor continuity issues happening almost every ten minutes in the show. Shoes or no shoes, dress or no dress: I mean, who cares if you are trying to make a second speed movie just so long as the vehicle is hijacked by some crazed nerd with an axe to grind, and Sandra Bullock makes an appearance. The relationship between this so-called sequal and the first movie is about as close as the Earth is to the Moon. In fact it should be the satire version, you know, like all thos abnoxious, "Scary movie/Date Movie"shows.
The movie reaks of ninties fashion and kickbuttish attitudes. Of course you have the hot shot know-it-all boy friend who knows how to rewire an exploding hijacked boat, and like Mr. H mentions in his reiew, those crazy extras that have to scream at everything and make the situations all intense. Talk about Awkward in the boat! My main beef with the film had to be Sandra Bullocks Detached from reality Character. The whole time she kept nagging the boyfriend about this and that, and man she gets pretty whiny.
Awkward Moment:
Luella: While this ship is crashing into the marina, a couple is holding each other tight. The lady looks up at her big, strong man. You'd think she'd say something like, "Baby, I love you" or "Please, let this be over" or "Honey, are you okay?" or "Sweetheart, I'm scared, hold me." No. She says to him, "Why did this have to happen on our honeymoon?" Yes. She is about to die, but is complaining at the very, very end. I can only imagine her husband's thoughts during this comment.
Frank: Despite the fat lady appearing on screen everytime they needed to add to the rediculous half-hour ship-beaching sequnece, there were only a handful of other awkward moments. There is the time that ten people are trapped in a room that is vented with sulfar smoke, and they all get nekad to cover the vents with their clothes, while Sandra Bullock chainsaws the door with her wanny, picture-taken sidekick's help, (or lack thereof ) And as soon as she gets the door open she just sits there reving the chainsaw just inches from a nekad bald guy's head. This scene lasted disgustingly long.
Overall Butts (13) Avg. 4.33333 butts
Mr. Hamadryas butts:
Luella's Butts:
Fank's Butts:
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Terminator 1
Who'd want to see it?
Frank: Mullet sporting arcade junkies and a handful of D&D nerds; also grandmas who like naked, time-traveling men, yet are too afraid of technology to use it, with the exception of a VCR and TV set.
Luella: 90s-born kids who want a taste of the 80s.
Quick Plot
Frank: "Classic Robot from future going back in time to prevent its inevitable fate, flick." Nekad man A (Arnold Schwarzenegger), A.K.A. Terminator (A highly advanced Austrian Cybernetic organism), hatches from a future time via a bubble en route to kill Sara Connor, (Linda Hamilton) (Mother of John Connor, Leader of the Resistance, or guy who is gonna kick some metal booty). Nekad man B (Michael Biehn), A.K.A. Kyle Reese, hatches from another time bubble to protect Sara from the Terminator. Oh, Awkward Side note, Kyle ends up in a sticky time situation when he decides to have a fling with Sara Connor, and unbeknownst to him, She conceives her son John, who meets kyle in the future only to send him back in time to protect his mother, and to get himself conceived. Weird.
Luella: Kyle Reese, sent by John Connor, goes to 1984 to protect Sarah Connor from the lean, mean Terminator machine.
Review
Frank: Frankly, this is one of those movies where you just had to be there to know what was going on. Acting is Pretty good, but the music is questionable. It's as if a guy with a synthesizer showed up in the dressing room and somehow his electronic personality struck a chord with James Cameron, and he was handed the movie to scribe a score. Maybe they were old grade school friends, and James owed this guy a lunch ticket. Anyhow, the music stinks. As for the action, it is pretty heart-stop-stillish, especially considering the animation at the end of the film.
Luella: All those 80s quips, special effects, music--everything--came from this movie. It has the "I'll be Bahck," the lazers, and yes, synthesizers to boot. Even though my parents and siblings had seen this movie, I had not. So when I saw it, I was, well, disappointed. Everyone is just so young and stupid. Meanwhile, the Terminator's safety is not on, and he's blowing everyone away, even the little man in the gun shop. I liked him better when he was nice, in 1994ish.
Awkward Moment
Frank: Mullet sporting arcade junkies and a handful of D&D nerds; also grandmas who like naked, time-traveling men, yet are too afraid of technology to use it, with the exception of a VCR and TV set.
Luella: 90s-born kids who want a taste of the 80s.
Quick Plot
Frank: "Classic Robot from future going back in time to prevent its inevitable fate, flick." Nekad man A (Arnold Schwarzenegger), A.K.A. Terminator (A highly advanced Austrian Cybernetic organism), hatches from a future time via a bubble en route to kill Sara Connor, (Linda Hamilton) (Mother of John Connor, Leader of the Resistance, or guy who is gonna kick some metal booty). Nekad man B (Michael Biehn), A.K.A. Kyle Reese, hatches from another time bubble to protect Sara from the Terminator. Oh, Awkward Side note, Kyle ends up in a sticky time situation when he decides to have a fling with Sara Connor, and unbeknownst to him, She conceives her son John, who meets kyle in the future only to send him back in time to protect his mother, and to get himself conceived. Weird.
Luella: Kyle Reese, sent by John Connor, goes to 1984 to protect Sarah Connor from the lean, mean Terminator machine.
Review
Frank: Frankly, this is one of those movies where you just had to be there to know what was going on. Acting is Pretty good, but the music is questionable. It's as if a guy with a synthesizer showed up in the dressing room and somehow his electronic personality struck a chord with James Cameron, and he was handed the movie to scribe a score. Maybe they were old grade school friends, and James owed this guy a lunch ticket. Anyhow, the music stinks. As for the action, it is pretty heart-stop-stillish, especially considering the animation at the end of the film.
Luella: All those 80s quips, special effects, music--everything--came from this movie. It has the "I'll be Bahck," the lazers, and yes, synthesizers to boot. Even though my parents and siblings had seen this movie, I had not. So when I saw it, I was, well, disappointed. Everyone is just so young and stupid. Meanwhile, the Terminator's safety is not on, and he's blowing everyone away, even the little man in the gun shop. I liked him better when he was nice, in 1994ish.
Awkward Moment
Frank: The best part is when Sara Connor's roommate (Whose head is always attached to the headphones they made back then with the pathetic foam stuff, and the cheap aluminum head band), goes out to the kitchen for a small midnight snack, while her nekad boyfriend encounters the terminator. The boyfriend's acting is priceless.
Luella: Frank forgets to mention that the boyfriend, upon waking up and sees the beasty Terminator does not scream, punch back, run, grab a weapon. This man looks up at him for a good second/second and a half and sighs "Whoa." Yes. Whoa. A young Keanu Reeves, if you ask me.
Another awkward part is whent he Terminator must quickly perform an eye surgery. First you see Arnold, then, FLASH, puppet Arnold comes and takes out the eye. It's low-budget 80s at its finest, ladies and gents.
It's not a tumor...
Total Baboon Butts
Frank's
Luella's
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
300
Who'd Want to See It?
Luella: RMs who served in a 3rd world country, Premies who admire a Crocodile Dundee, 8the grade boys, and fat chicks who hang out with the guys
Frank: All the dumb kids who waited in line for three days for the world premiere of Brave Heart Vs Lord of the Rings, vs Harry Potter and the sorcerer's rotting flesh pig baby fetus.
Mr. Hamadryas: Vampires who want to test their resolve against lusting after human blood.
Mr. Hamadryas: Vampires who want to test their resolve against lusting after human blood.
Quick Plot
Luella: Persia rages war against Sparta. Leonidas (Gerard Butler) decides to answer the call of the fight. However, that doesn't mean that there are roadblocks (or bodies) along the way.
Frank: Little kids raised by free, meat-eating, rotten parents trained to kill, kill, Kill. The Persians pick a fight and the Spartans have to defend their honor with their carnivorous, prideful, 300 best warriors of Sparta. Good Riddens to them, nobody liked them anyway.
Mr. Hamadryas: Zack Snyder is a grown up fanstastic, violent, little boy who loves gore and also enjoys seeing his name, and you know it. Kudos.
Mr. Hamadryas: Zack Snyder is a grown up fanstastic, violent, little boy who loves gore and also enjoys seeing his name, and you know it. Kudos.
Review
Luella: If Al Capone, the Odyssey, and Cirque du Soleil had a baby, it would be 300. It is a gory, bloody, ballerina mess of fighting. Add the slow-motion, and you've pinned it down. Despite all this, I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't really that bad. The beginning sort of startled me when I saw a little seven year old beat the bloody pulp out of another, but after that, it sort of was better.
The part that really upset me was Leonidas' relationship with his wifey, Queen Gorgo (Lena Hedley). Before he leaves, she says, "Come back to me with your shield, or your head on it." Now that's love. As Leonidas looks as her, the narrator of the film basically said, "Spartans don't say 'I love you.'" (Okay, he didn't say it that way, but you get it.) Meanwhile, near the end, while a blanket of arrows are flinging toward Leonidas, he says, "I love my wife."
Too bad she wasn't there to hear it.
Frank: Help me, I'm trapped in a movie with sweaty bulky speedo-wearing, flesh eating, Hand painted chests and abs, and they are killing everything from babies to Stephen Hawking! But they do it with style, while being mostly naked. That's all that really counts. Man, if anyone asked me to run around in a loin cloth with sharp objects, and nothing but a shield for cover, I would only do it for 300 Persian gold coins, and maybe a pet crab handed man that severs heads for fun. Overall, it was an okay flick, but man, I was getting a little tired of them trying too hard to be cool while they kill, only I can do that.
Mr. Hamadryas: Okay so the fighting was entertaining, the story was there, the plot was there, antagonist, protagonist, blah blah blah. All there, plus a lot of violence, in fact a party of violence, betrayal, loyalty, and the strange concept that to love is to be a violent, near perfect killer. So all that makes this in my opinion a great guy movie. But there is one big thing that bugs me. Granted, we rented an edited version, (I'm sorry if your political views on editing copyrighted materials prohibit that, but get over it.) so maybe we don't have all the story. But from what we had, this 'immortal god' Xerxes has this massive persian army with many different nationalities and species playing a part. Fun. When he talks it sounds cool, plus he is extraordinarily tall. Fun. Not to mention he is the most pompous semi-naked villain I know of. Fine. Nothing wrong so far but at the end (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Leonidas tosses a spear at him and cuts Xerxes' face, thus drawing blood. Fine. But somehow the millions of Xerxean followers don't seem phased that their immortal god is bleeding, let alone got hit by a spartan spear. Bleeding and immortal? Not fine. The part that bugs me is that a year later, Van Helsing's monk is leading the Spartans and Greeks against the Forces of Xerxes. How does that not destroy their confidence in Xerxes!?!? Big plot failure- luckily this doesn't happen until the very end of the flick. Thus allowing us to enjoy the rest of the movie.
Mr. Hamadryas: Okay so the fighting was entertaining, the story was there, the plot was there, antagonist, protagonist, blah blah blah. All there, plus a lot of violence, in fact a party of violence, betrayal, loyalty, and the strange concept that to love is to be a violent, near perfect killer. So all that makes this in my opinion a great guy movie. But there is one big thing that bugs me. Granted, we rented an edited version, (I'm sorry if your political views on editing copyrighted materials prohibit that, but get over it.) so maybe we don't have all the story. But from what we had, this 'immortal god' Xerxes has this massive persian army with many different nationalities and species playing a part. Fun. When he talks it sounds cool, plus he is extraordinarily tall. Fun. Not to mention he is the most pompous semi-naked villain I know of. Fine. Nothing wrong so far but at the end (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Leonidas tosses a spear at him and cuts Xerxes' face, thus drawing blood. Fine. But somehow the millions of Xerxean followers don't seem phased that their immortal god is bleeding, let alone got hit by a spartan spear. Bleeding and immortal? Not fine. The part that bugs me is that a year later, Van Helsing's monk is leading the Spartans and Greeks against the Forces of Xerxes. How does that not destroy their confidence in Xerxes!?!? Big plot failure- luckily this doesn't happen until the very end of the flick. Thus allowing us to enjoy the rest of the movie.
Awkward Moment
Luella: David Bowie's Iggy Stardust days were the primary influence for King Xerxes' makeup. I mean, here's
the real Xerxes:
the real Xerxes:Here's 300's version:
"Have a neckrub on me, Leonidas
Also, there is a goat-man playing an instrument. It's meant to be taken seriously
Frank: Oh, there are so many to choose from, but my favorite would definitely have to be when Xerxes comes riding in on his million ton golden staircase, (That was very flamboyant of him to do), and he steps off only to give king Leonidas a sensual backrub, trying to bribe him into his kingdom. Awkward!!! What's more, is I feel really bad for the guy in the center underneath the golden staircase, what if everyone ran out, or got slaughtered by a miscellaneous Spartan. He is sitting there under all this weight, and one by one his friends are being hacked in half, and who is left holding the stairs now? (SQUASH!!!)(followed by, Blooop, thppbpbpbpbt) Just a random thought in a random part of the movie.
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